Monday, July 9, 2012

Work-appropriate Cheese

There’s always someone in the workplace who wears inappropriate clothing. Her name is Jasynta, and her daily garb will normally include a variation of distressed denim jeans with sub-cheek derriere ripping and a low slung Sass & Bide singlet with contrasting bra (you trend-setters think this is cool, but it's not...and your bra is ugly).

The question of work-appropriate attire is as old as the workplace itself, and if I understand the film 9 to 5 correctly (which, I’m sure, I do) then appearing at work is all about rocking a stylish shirt-dress and showing the boss that he can’t push you around, no matter how fab your perm is.

But today we gather to talk about a very different matter indeed – workplace cheese.

Last week, I visited a local deli on my way to work and picked up a copy of The Cheese Mag (more on that in my next post) and a wedge of pungent Comte-style Le Ceviste de Scey. 

I won’t go into the details of just what this cheese smells like, but suffice to scey its pungent stench is more of a knockout than Dolly Parton’s character in 9 to 5, Doralee Rhodes.

No matter, I thought. I’ll just take it along to work. I’ll buy myself some crackers and enjoy a little nibble for morning tea!

Ahhh there’s the rub. To enjoy this cheese, I would need to eat it standing up in the kitchen like some sort of hind-legged sow, with my little trotters vainly attempting to grasp the biscuits without looking foolish. (For some reason, this conjures an image of the tightly-timed lunch breaks at my old workplace).

Or, I’d need to eat it at my desk. So I brought it back to Auxiliary Cubicle 2B (my loving name for my desk) and discretely pecked away.

My workmates are accustomed to seeing me eat a snack at elevensies, but they were notably silent on this day. I am a cheese lover and I was acutely aware that it was borderline too stinky for me (of course it wasn’t, that was a test, I love all cheese).

But the awkward desk stink did remind me of another situation at my old workplace, when a co-worker took off her shoes and our office accountant leaped up with his head over the cubicle divider and exclaimed, “What is that smell? It smells like something has crawled up into the air conditioning units and died there!”

To avoid this situation in the future I have two lessons that we can learn:
1. Future desk cheeses will either be of the un-aged cheddar or mild brie variety.
2. Don’t ever take off your shoes at work. They smell like sweat cauldrons and you know it.


  1. LOL...someone in our office eats egg sambos (aka "who farted" sambos). Blerg.

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